While American Conservatives have been Swooning for a Russian Dictator, Reality Suggests That the Two Have a Lot in Common: They both hate “the gays”, they both want instituted religion and they both make bad decisions based on an emotions.
As the touching and enormously expensive animatronic bear shed tears to a dying Olympic flame, the fleeing Ukrainian President Yanukovich and Russian puppet was burning documents as he exited Kiev with as many hryvnia and rubles as he could carry, abandoning his private golf course and expensive retreat, complete with on demand hookers and alcohol via system of two bells. The smoldering Kiev began to rebuild their democracy and quickly made rookie mistakes by over-compensating and banning the Russian language, a move that instantly impacted millions of Russians living in the Ukraine.
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The Crying Bear and a “Shared Propaganda”
One must really wonder what goes through the head of Russian “Prime Minister” Vladimir Putin at this point. Here he is, coming off the most expensive Olympic Games in history, that includes Summer Games as well, and he had the world virtually lured into a trance over Russian greatness. For $50 Billion, I must say, it really showed in the enormous propaganda theatre stadium (because that was it’s only function in the Olympics). Naturally, my favorite was the Soviet Union stuff. The industrial girders and uniformed dancers beat out the whole Bolshoi Ballet stuff personally, though friends and family have their own favorites.
With all that Russian history exploding on stage showing the world it’s amazing history of innovative dance, incredible music and amazing writers, I almost forgot the whole other part that was left off the stage: Russia’s blood soaked, espionage prone, insecure and unstable political history. They even had portraits of brilliant Russian poets and authors, who mostly all met sad and disparaging ends at the hands of its own government and somehow, the world was still entranced from the first dancing child to the final crying bear.
The Crying Bear laments the end of the Olympics, parties that night and invades the Ukraine when the hangover wears off.
At that moment, even with the unrest unraveling rapidly in the Ukraine, even with the government unable to murder enough of its own protesters to leave the capital square, the world was still mostly fixated on the Hockey competitions, figure skating and the Bobsled. The Olympics have a tradition of bringing the nations together all the way back to the time when warring Greeks would suspend their violent clashes on the battlefield to prove their prowess in the arena. It was a time when all were Greek. Even if the Greeks believed that peace itself was an interruption of a perpetual state of war (our smug modern society tends to see the exact opposite, perhaps naively), it was, in itself a cease of hostilities, a much earned break from war for people who often died over a small patch of land.
Yet this was the damned Olympics! This was a time when we should be giving ourselves the old great masturbatory self-congratulathon for being such peaceful, intelligent modern folk who desire unbridled capitalism and endless advertisements for Coke, AT&T and ‘big f**king trucks’ from GM that are as American as the parts they contain (don’t get me started on those awful ads staring Neal McDonough, of Band of Brothers fame, where we “dreamer” Americans don’t take the month of August off like those lazy French because we are too busy starting our next failed business to pay off the huge loan we took out on our… whatever the stupid car was, I saw it 40 times and I still don’t remember the brand). Instead, as I was forming my growing anger at the corporate society to pen and the endless Randist brainwash fest that the Olympics have become, instead we were treated to the most aggressive military action since the Cold War. That is, if you forget about that whole Iraq War thing that happened for a minute there.
The World during the nuclear weapon hostage crisis known as the Cold War aka the M.A.D. (Mutually Assured Destruction) policy that guaranteed annihilation.
Aggressive War
The term is an oxymoron because war is aggressive in the first place. I am reminded of George Carlin’s joke about Civil War (How can a war be civil? Say… pardon me, GATGATGATGATGATGATGAT) though what it truly means is militaristic invasion, something deep rooted and barbaric. Something that all of the world did until us civilized folk started two world wars that took nearly 70 million people from this world. It was also where we learned that our technology is just too damned advanced for ourselves. From chemical weapons to nuclear weapons, from bombing civilians in massive incendiary bombing campaigns to killing them in factories designed to do so, it was the moment that West, East, New World, Old World and 3rd World could all agree on, this is madness! It must stop!
Many of the 3rd Reich were punished at Nuremberg by public trial and execution, while others were quickly taken out of Germany because they worked on the V-1 and V-2 Rockets. Clearly, that lesson didn’t even last till the last “Peace Conference” at Potsdam. Instead, we hunkered down for what was to be called The Cold War.
There was nothing “cold” about it. We were soon in Korea, nearly in Cuba, Vietnam soon followed, proxy wars were fought by CIA backed rebels to overturn governments we did not like to make them into governments that we, well, COULD tolerate. As FDR said well before this about Cuban dictator Batista, “he’s a son of a bitch but at least he’s OUR son of a bitch!” Batista was such a son of bitch though, that Castro overtook him. As he became backed with Soviet nuclear missiles, he nearly ended our existence!
The proxy wars were fought on, mostly without most beer drinkin’ American’s knowledge. As we focused on materialism, sports and our sex lives, the CIA worked. You may have seen some of their work in Vietnam, though the biggest hits are all over the globe and continue to this day. This is a different topic, though let it be known, that while our CIA was giving LSD to hookers and filming the results, (no seriously, this was part of the MK Ultra Program, Operation Midnight Climax [isn’t that just too wild to even be believed?]) the KGB was being stoic, drinking vodka and turning American assets into double agents.
A Young Vladimir Putin meets Ronald Reagan. And yet he wasn’t awed to roll over to the West.
One of these KGB masters was Vladimir Putin. He came late to the game but he was no less cynical of the CIA and its reckless behavior. As someone who saw the glory days, I’m sure he pines for the greatness that was lost when Ronald Reagan himself went to Berlin, and told Gorbachev to tear down a wall in a distant country (that’s sarcasm by the way, it doesn’t always come through in print). I’m sure the Iraq War gave him all the confirmation he needed. Seeing a gun-toting, mouthy and reckless America invade a foreign nation for, really, no good reason and getting hurt badly around the world and at home in the process may have seen like an aggressive imperial power. Too bad for that theory we have elections. Too bad he didn’t learn that invasion was a mistake for the US that only made Iran stronger. Too bad that Putin did not learn that the empire of the 21st century is soooo passed that whole (owning land on a map thing). For that matter, too bad Conservatives in America didn’t either.
The Circus Jerks
The funny thing is, Putin is a product of a delusional system, pining for the old days. Hmmm, sound familiar? Our very own clown car of knee jerk idiots on the Right wing satisfy that bill. Just last year, hero stalwart of the Right Pat Buchanan asked if Putin was “one of us” meaning, conservatives. Well he is.
He is no fan of “the gays” and passed laws making it illegal, allows businesses to force their employees to go to church, allows billionaire business men to do as they please (until they cross him) and he has instituted a low tax rate that cons here can’t even muster up the balls to propose.
Is it no wonder they love him more than Obama? They pine over Putin as a “leader” as a “man who wrestles tigers” “bears” even. He is their f**king George Washington! You know why? Because George Washington was an intellectual who loved democracy, bled with his troops and despised tyrants and dictators. He is not the man these idiots on the Right often pretend he was: some figurehead who loved capitalism (which seriously hadn’t been coined yet) and Jesus (no, not really).
Obama is weak to them and wears “mom jeans” (a term borrowed from a Democrat assault on Mitt Romney by the way). Gulliani declares that a leader is a man who acts and everyone else reacts. Really? First off, THAT’S A DICTATOR! Second, other than the first week of 9-11, Gulliani has been a pretty disastrous “leader” if that was the standard. I seem to remember a whole scandal about his erectile dysfunction, his lover and an ex-wife. Real prowess there Mr. One-hit-wonder!
These guys are loving Putin so much these days that I really, seriously, have to question their loyalty to this great nation, called the United States of America. You know why? Attacking the Commander-in-Chief when we are facing a nuclear armed foe is not exactly what St. Reagan would do now is it?
The man who said all Republicans should be on the same page (the Gipper himself made it his 11th Commandment) is probably spinning in his grave to see what has become of his once good name. Today, these clowns bloviate about things they clearly don’t understand to look as far radical to the right as a moron possibly could. Reagan was no radical. Even Bob Dole, an unabashed right-winger who lost to Bill Clinton because he ran too far to the right said Reagan could not be elected in today’s Republican party and that the whole party should close down for repairs.
At CPAC 2014, Ted Cruz, potential Republican Presidential, compared Dole to Romney and McCain calling them, in essence, phony conservatives, before calling Obama one of the weakest leaders in history. Meanwhile, Obama is back in reality negotiating with Vladimir Putin.
Where does this madness end? The Republican Party has clearly decided that Obama is a greater threat to this nation than Vladimir Putin, ya know, the guy with over 1000 nuclear weapons. Now isn’t that just a wee bit over the top? To be fair, if someone on the left had said anything half-a-mile away from that, we’d be calling this person a traitor. Well, in this case, if the shoe fits!
As Jason Jones pointed out, from now on, I too will say “if you don’t like it, go to Russia!”
The New Empire
Alright, so enough about theatrics, let’s talk turkey. Well Turkey, Georgia, Ukraine and Russia.
If this were the Roman Empire, losing the Crimea, as they once did, would be a devastating loss. Today, empires do not work in land. No, no! Today’s empires work in Dollars and Euros and Yen and Yuan and Pound Sterling. That last one is the real interesting point.
The British Empire once ruled a land where the sun never set. Today, little has changed, except there are no troops stationed there. Australia has been free though is under the command of Her Royal Majesty the Queen of England Elizabeth II, she once sacked their Prime Minister for threatening to break away. Yes, you heard me correctly.
The British Empire, I mean the Commonwealth of Nations is an example of British ingenuity. Since their subjects invented Capitalism, decent universal healthcare, the railroad, coal mining, the rave and possibly the computer, is it any wonder? Much like the Greeks, the Brits learned that their greatest export was their influence. We speak English, after all and don’t get me started on the Beatles. The silent political partner we thought they were in the Iraq War, was really just giving a blow job to reality. Even if it meant mustering all of the old Commonwealth realms to the cause. Now how do you think they did that? Did they ask Australia really nicely?
Land is a liability. You must maintain it, care for it, occupy it. If you can have all of the thrills with none of the foreplay, you’re winning already, yet if you can have them without having to buy them dinner, you’re solid gold. It is very similar to the concept of slavery being more expensive than wage slavery. It’s cheaper to pay an employee a wage they can’t live on than pay for their 3 meals and board, even at slavery conditions. That is the key to the new and improved British Empire. It is an empire of capital, of economic force, of ideas and cultural persuasion, though the military deal is implied, it was in the service agreement these “realms” agreed to in the first place. So the Land Where the Sun Never Sets is alive and well, just leaner and meaner.
Rubles to Ponchiki
In other words: Putin is fighting a 19th century war in a 21st century world. Russia already had an agreement with the Ukraine to keep the once mighty Soviet Fleet at the Crimean port in Russian hands. It benefited just fine from the antiquated Soviet era refineries in the Crimean that it will own out-right if it takes it over. Russia will have to shell out a hell of a lot more money than it did to show the nation as a crying bear to regain what it lost.
Russian’s are so paranoid that they have been sending flights on the Turkish coast, causing alarm. Since most of Russia’s ports are in the West and frozen, only the Black Sea ports are viable, meaning, the key to supplying the world with Russian oil goes past the Turkish city of Istanbul, once the Greek trade key of the East (Constantinople). If they muck this one up, they only stand to lose.
Then what of Europe? Are they going to want you oil after this?
In the end, what did Putin gain? What did the Russian people gain? With diminishing infrastructure (sound familiar) he has little to show for the millions he has thrown at a beauty prize in Sochi and a failed popularity contest in former Soviet states. The Ukraine kicked his puppet out of power with his pants barely around the waste and the world is isolating Russia once more, with even the fickle and financial Angela Merckle of Germany on board with isolation.
What a tough lot this situation is! Everybody loses, as always!
What is it going to take to change this destructive spiral?