This story originally ran on Nov 28, 2014 @ 5:25 . For updates, see below. Remember Mitt Romney? I didn’t think so. He’s the guy that ran for President twice culminating in a crushing electoral landslide defeat at the hands of Obama way back in 2012. Well guess what? You may have a chance to not vote for him again if the Delusional Right gets its way. A growing number of conservatives are calling for Mitt Romney to make another run for the presidency. Why?
Mitt the Ex-Boyfriend and Benghazi Syndrome
Well, it’s not so much that conservatives love Mitt Romney. They don’t. In fact they didn’t like him so much that he lost in the 2008 Republican Primary and only won the 2012 Republican Primary when all of the other candidates proved to be lunatics, fanatics and morons (not to mention lying, adulterer hypocrites if you include Newt Gingrich). Mitt was an uninspired choice who ran a terrible convention (it was his call to put Clint Eastwood up ranting to an empty chair instead of show the inspiring movie about Mitt’s life). He also did unusual things that he didn’t seem to think were odd, like tell people the candid funny story about how he tied the dog to the roof of his car, which traumatized the dog. Hilarious anecdote Mitt! Oh and remember the story of how he fired his illegal immigrant farmer by telling him “I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake, I can’t have illegals.” He is, after all a man of principle. Oh, and don’t forget the off hand $50,000 bet he tried to make in the middle of a debate. I’ll bet he low-balled that number to “relate” to the people. 
It’s not that conservatives like Romney, it’s that they hate Obama so much, and they think that everyone else does too (the media seems to help this image along) that they think Americans would like to go back and change their vote. It’s a SEE I TOLD YOU SO kind of thing that conservatives are infamous for doing. They get to do it so little, that they relish the chance to do it when they can, and often when they can, it’s premature, out of touch and usually short sighted, ultimately being a passing tactical moment in a strategy that is fundamentally flawed to the point they are generally wrong, these days, all the way down the pipeline (Obamacare for example). They relish those few fleeting moments, like a number being misreported by 5% as the evidence that will prove that the were actually right those other 99 times that they were wrong. Benghazi is probably the best example of this, and from now on, I will call this Benghazi Syndrome as it is the best example of how conservatives repeatedly insist that they will be proven right, gloat at a momentary news cycle when things look to be going their way, then mysteriously forget or go into conspiracy theories, when they are proven completely wrong. That is the real issue here. Sorry Mitt, you’re just the ex-boyfriend that right wing conservatives run to to make their rival jealous. See, we have Mitt and Mitt was right this whole time because we won an election that nobody showed up to. You would have been better off with us America instead of jumping into that car with Obama and his health care promises and fixing the economy and immigration. You could have had the most boring lover in the world who would have dismantled American industry, canceled your health insurance, raised your taxes, cut it for the rich, started two new wars and bankrupted the American economy and the world right along with it. Jealous yet? What a bunch of high-school girls these old white men who make up the Republican party are. No wonder they try to act overly masculine, it’s to make up for all the time they spend in panties and a cheerleader outfit.
No Republican Frontrunner
Another issue here is that the Republican field of candidates is pretty weak. So weak, that Romney leads in the polls if he decides to run. Conservatives traditionally pick their candidate in smoked filled rooms and by the two year mark, which has now passed, the battle lines are clear. In general, the primary is not even a primary, but a consolidation of power. These days, that’s not the case. The Republican party may seem unified, though only by being such a small party of self-proclaimed victims do they stick together.
- It’s businessmen under assault from communism a.k.a. a bunch of rich guys who control the world and are in do danger of losing it but are paranoid in doing so.
- It’s a bunch of Christian radical fundamentalists who are under attack by a secular Left, Sharia Law and the homosexual army, a.k.a. a bunch of racist, bigots who want to tell everyone else how to live their lives but don’t like it when nobody listens.
- It’s the libertarian defenders against a government gone wild with power, a.k.a. the gun nuts who stock pile more weapons than they can possibly need, pay very little taxes, collect Social Security, Medicare, Welfare, Food Stamps and more all while claiming the government cares about their pathetic lives enough to come and disarm them.
- It’s the Military and Espionage Industrial Complex supporters trying to fight a losing battle against the spread of terrorism, a.k.a. the guys who make the guns they sell to the previous idiots as well as the tanks the Army doesn’t want, the planes the Air Force doesn’t use and the boats the Navy doesn’t need, getting rich off the tax payer dime and making weapons that get sold to other countries making the US less safe. They love it when a war is started.
- It’s Law Enforcement officers who are fighting a losing battle against permissive drug use, combating the ;crime in our streets that is forever on the rise, a.k.a. paramilitary wannabes, throwing minorities in jail at far greater numbers, for some reason, who shoot first and ask questions later and get away with it.
- It’s Vietnamese and Cuban immigrants fleeing the expanding threat of communism, a.k.a. sons and daughters of people who fled a government royally screwed by American policy (and which are now run by capitalist leaning governments) who simply just can’t let it go that the threat of communism died in the 1990s.
- It’s the upper middle class doctors and lawyers who make so much money they are being punished for their success, a.k.a. the greedy bastards that have driven up the cost of health care and the justice system, profiting from the pain of others.
- It’s the would-be-business person, who can’t start their billionaire business because of the constant meddling of the government, a.k.a. rich suck-ups with ideas someone had 20 years ago who want to find a way to get rich that will likely die poorer than their parents did but vote huge tax cuts for billionaires because for some deluded reason, they think they identify with people who were born with every privilege.
This is the Republican Party. A patchwork of people with conflicting interests, many of whom love what the government does for them, united by a seemingly hypocritical principle of smaller government (they mean smaller for everyone else) and a fear of change. Most rank and file Republicans support the issues that Democrats “fight” for (more on them another time), yet the Republicans haven’t really been able to come up with any issues they are actually for, so they use the things that they are against to keep the troops in line.
- Hate the gays? Vote Republican!
- Hate Illegal Immigrants? Vote Republican!
- Hate those lazy poor people who use Food Stamps (not you of course, you’re not poor). Vote Republican!
- Hate feminists trying to make you kiss a women’s ass? Vote Republican!
- Hate people who don’t go to church? Vote Republican!
- Hate people telling you to keep your guns safe? Vote Republican!
- Hate the government? Vote Republican
What issues do they stand for:
- …
- (crickets)
- …
- zzzzzzzzzz
So keeping these people united is becoming harder and harder. They now each have their own candidate. The Libertarians have Rand Paul and Ted Cruz, the anti-communists have Marco Rubio, the billionaires have Chris Christie, Paul Ryan and Scott Walker, the religious have Santorum, Ben Carson, Rick Perry and Mike Huckabee, the militants have a few choices including Jeb Bush and the lesser factions will be forced to find someone who is actually viable among the larger factions choices. 
It’s a sea of contradiction. Some of these idiots are pro-military expansionism and enlarging the American Empire, others are isolationist. Some are religious nuts who are anti-democracy and want to establish theocratic rule under an official religion, others want to legalize drugs and weaken jail sentences. Some are anti-gay, some don’t care. Some want to abolish Medicare and Social Security, others wouldn’t dream of it. It gives me hope for democracy that the Republicans who collectively, along with their billionaire backers spent $400 million, the most expensive mid-term election in history that resulted in the lowest turnout since 1942, can’t get their own house in order. So much for the Republic. So Mitt, almost forgot about him, is appealing to this mess, because he already got the troops in line before, albeit, very poorly. It is a testament to how weak this field is that Republicans would consider the Mittster again. Most of them have keep character flaws like Ben Carson and Rick Santorum who’s appeal is about as broad as a stick of gum. Christie, Walker and Perry have Federal investigations pending. Rand Paul is hated by the powerful religious and military wings, Cain, Bachman and Perry (again) are dumb as dirt. Most of these guys couldn’t get elected outside of a crazy Southern state or a gerrymandered right-wing district. That is why it will likely be Bush, because he can at least carry Florida, though it’s not as important as it once was and his popularity is waning.
Will Mitt Run?
God I hope so, but he won’t if he’s smart. In history, there are only a couple repeat attempts at the Presidency, only one was successful: Grover Cleavland. The others were losers like Adlai Stevenson and William Jennings Bryan, who ran three times and really only had a shot at one. He would likely be defeated and join the list of losers in history. They would drag him and his family through the mud again to go against a candidate who’s party will have presented a strong recovery by then (no, I’m serious, when McDonalds and Walmart are doing bad as they are now, it means times are seriously recovering). The election is Hilliary’s to lose and forget what they say about inevitability, tell that to Hillary who knows it better than anyone. The Republican will face a high turnout of youth who favor the Democrats, Latinos now emboldenned by the immigration laws that will go away under a Republican administration, poor who will vote for the health care that will go away under a Republican administration and will be out of touch to the high turnouts that show up to Presidential elections now. The Republicans can’t win unless the people stay home and they now it, so expect them to fight tooth and nail to destroy your right to vote and expect them to lose anyway. Also, expect to vote this time America! I think Mitt has had enough campaigning. While he wants to be relevant, his people have got to be showing him polls that Hillary is crushing him, Jeb Bush and the rest of the field by double digit numbers. It’s not a battle he can win. There is no profit. However, Mitt’s ego may get the best of him and America may get a second chance to reject the billionaire douche-bag who sees 47% of his fellow countrymen as takers, and not the very workers, and consumers that turned him from a spoiled millionaire into a deplorable billionaire. In either case it is an interesting look into the lunatic asylum that is the Republican Party.
Updated – 01-09-15
I calls them like I see them and I am tend to be write when it comes to idiots running for office. Romney will not run, even Time agrees and so do his former aides. Instead this is about reminding people that he once ran for President. They label it the “Hidden Strategy” which is so ingenious the story broke on a Friday when for a decade, is where the news garbage is taken out.