It seems every region now has a big music and arts festival. Coachella and Burning Man anchor the West Coast, while Bonaroo and South by Southwest are conquering the South, just to name a few. Yet is the Rocky Mountain West ready for the big Mitt and his big money tour of big ideas?
Romney and Kid Rock Kick off Romneypalooza
That’s right Mormon Country, get ready for The Mitt Romney Experts and Enthusiasts 2013 Imitation Aspen Ideas Festival!!!
It’s packed to the gills with enthusiasm featuring a lineup of 200 of the biggest names in conservative political ideas and business investment suck-ups, including Rand Paul, Paul Ryan, other people who love Ayn Rand, other people named Paul and featuring big shot New York investor, the man who put the Gold in Goldman Sachs, the guy who had the cojones to ask Obama when he was going to stop “whacking Wall Street like a pinata” despite barely asking them to even care even slightly about the economy they ruined, Anthony Scaramucci.
Surprise appearances are lined up all over the place, including our champion from the Garden State. That’s right, he’s rude, he’s lude, he’s not someone you want to see nude, he’s the man who Mitt Romney blames for costing him the election, despite stong factual evidence to the contrary that Hurricane Sandy did not influence the election, the most partisan bi-partisan in the country and reigning champion of Federal Aid, The Crisco Kid himself, Chris Christie!
Anthony Scaramucci rockin’ the crowd to a fever pitch!
It doesn’t get any bigger than that! Park City, Utah will never be the same again!
Big investment handouts from Tag Romney’s Solamare Capital will sure to be a hit with the crowd, that will take in the Rocky Mountain Air and enjoy big business lectures, polite political discussions about how conservatism can regain its stranglehold on America and yoga classes!
Oh folks, but the Big Mitt Enthusiasm and Expert Ideas Festival Conference of 2013 gets even better! The man, the myth, the Mitt himself has an explosive keynote performance planned, complete with slides exploring national challenges such as the federal deficit and economic growth!!! Plus he might just grab his wife’s hand and scamper out the door when asked about his political ambitions!
And the reviews are in. Washington Post’s Jason Horowitz “characterized” this monumental event as “a significant step in [Mitt Romney’s] return to public relevance and proof of his political clout.”
As if that weren’t enough to peak your interest, there is this little humdinger as well:
Mitt showin’ off his sense of hipster irony!
“The off-the-record sessions, the cigar rooms and the vanilla homogeneity of the exclusive event evoked the elitism of his disastrous speech to donors about the “47 percent.”
Wow! Exciting!
We managed to grab a snip it from CNN’s EXCLUSIVE interview with the Mittster, who took the opportunity to tell his fans that everything with him was A-OK since the trials and tribulations of his last world tour:
“I wish the hurricane hadn’t have happened when it did because it gave the president a chance to be presidential and to be out showing sympathy for folks,” Romney told CNN, referencing Hurricane Sandy. “But, you know, you don’t look back and worry about each little thing.”
So there you have it folks, our beloved Mitt Romney is not worried about every little thing, like the storm of the century in a century of storms. No, he’s not gonna let that darn hurricane bring down his day because it let the President look Presidential and be out showing sympathy for folks.
That’s not a devil sign, it’s an “M” for Mitt!
No friends! Our beloved Rom-Com is right back where he needs to be, focused on more important things, like his future political influence.
Keep the hits comin’ Mitt! Oh and we all love the new “gee golly”, down home, Upper Northeastern billionaire drawl! It’s winning over crowds from Park City to, uhm, wherever the Romney mansions are.
So what are you waiting for?! Head on down to Park City Utah today for The Big Mitt Ideas Conference of Big Political Money and Big Expert Enthusiasm Festival 2013! Be sure to bring your Congressional Papers or millions with you because they don’t let anybody in that isn’t useful or “in” with the right crowd. Sorry, no Trumps allowed.
It will be a weekend to remember and if it doesn’t change your life, it will change your bank account!